Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
