I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
