turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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