Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
