he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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