I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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