Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
