Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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