I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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