the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
