I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i dont even know how to be here
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This toilet bowl is my home.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
