We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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