I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
