Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
