it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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