I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
