When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize