The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
