How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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