hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
