so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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