So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
