ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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