I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize