She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
