Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
