his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
