Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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