i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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