Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
