As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
