Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
