Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
