The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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