If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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