So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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