I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
