So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
