I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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