I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
