sorry about calling you the devil all night.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
