mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
