my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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