My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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