I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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