You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
