My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
