There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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