thus making me awesome and them whores
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
