So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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