A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
