so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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