I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
