I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
