@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
