I never want to see another naked old woman again.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
