he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
