Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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