The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
